Stuttering starts

As I was hefting 20 lb free weights at my new-to-me gym today, and having trouble with it, given the 2+ months hiatus I've had from regular workouts, it occurred to me that my life these days seems to be a series of stuttering starts. I was gung-ho to get into the gym this morning, having noticed that my "fat jeans" were starting to fit me snugly and my face was starting to pack on the baby fat. But once there, I was frustrated by my inability to find some of the things I needed and by the snickering chauvinism of some of the other male members at my desire to do decently weighted shoulder squats using a long bar and 30 pound weight plates.

The same is true of my emerging graduate student life. I arrived in Toronto all geared up to plunge into school, only to find that I didn't know what courses I'd be allowed to take and even once I did, that most of my classes for this week are cancelled. It seems as if the faculty are mainly all overseas attending conferences. So I hit a brick wall and find myself here, in the middle of September, with entirely more time on my hands than I had expected. Since I haven't yet been assigned to an RAship, I don't even have that to fall back on.

What have I done? Well, of course I've read. For my Techno Politics course, I've read much of Heidegger's illumination on Nietzsche's "Will to Power as Art". I don't get what the ruminations on art have to do with techno politics, but I guess I'll find out in class next week. I'm also halfway through Habermas' "The Structural Transformation of the Public Sphere" for my Public Space and Political Culture course. But I've also read a new Nora Roberts book about vampires and a newish somewhat unsatisfying book on consciousness, AI and the nature of consciousness from one of my fave sci-fi writers, Robert J. Sawyer. I've read magazines and newspapers, and a few cookbooks too.

I've drank a lot of coffee, hung out a lot in one of my local Starbucks (oh the luxury of now having four within a five minute drive!). I've unpacked, decorated, redecorated, repacked, stored, unstored, restored all kinds of stuff. I've sold stuff too, through Craigslist, my new fave community site for such activities. I've bonded with my new housemates and argued with my new landlord. And still I've got time.

I really do feel as if I'm stuttering along here, jerkily carving out this new graduate student life in this city that I adore. It isn't working out as I'd hoped/dreamed (e.g. my pro seminar has over 60 students in it! 60! where I expected to find maybe a dozen or so). But I'm trying to keep an open mind and an optimistic heart and I keep reminding myself that, at worst, this stage of my own becoming will last a scant two years. I hope.